The Spark Is Back

 

I think the spark is back. Not exactly the way it was before. Maybe softer. Maybe quieter. But I recognize it.

It's in the little things. Wanting to draw again. Wanting to write. Wanting to change my pillowcase because suddenly my room feels like it needs to feel different. Wanting to take care of myself. Wanting to do something simply because I want to.

There is a strange kind of happiness in becoming interested in things again. You don't realize how much you missed wanting until you want something again.

For a while, everything can feel like an obligation. You do things because they need to be done. Then one day you find yourself thinking: I want to.

And that sentence feels enormous.

I want to draw. I want to write. I want to go somewhere. I want to make something. I want to see what happens if I follow this thought.

Maybe that's what the spark is. Not constant happiness. Not suddenly having everything figured out. Just curiosity returning. A little light coming through the window.

And for now, I'm going to let it in.

— ◇ —

A Note on the Painting
Space Transfiguration
José Joya, 1959

What I saw in it: something inside me beginning to move again after being still for too long.

https://www.mutualart.com/Artwork/Space-Transfiguration/67DCF6E05C5605BA