The Highs Are Better Than the Tail End

 

There are moments when everything feels brighter. Ideas come easily. Everything seems interesting again. I want to make things. Write things. Draw. Go somewhere. Start something. It feels like someone turned the lights back on.

And when you're in that moment, you don't want to think about what happens afterward. Because the afterward is quieter. Slower. Heavier.

The same things that felt exciting can suddenly feel exhausting. The ideas don't disappear completely. They just become harder to reach.

And maybe that's why I sometimes miss the highs even when I know they come with a price. When you're in the middle of something beautiful, you don't want to think about its ending. You just want to stay there.

I think that's what makes the tail end so difficult. It's not only that you're feeling less. It's that you remember how much you were feeling before.

You remember the energy. The excitement. The way everything seemed possible. And then you look at yourself afterward and wonder where that person went.

Maybe she didn't go anywhere. Maybe she just got tired. Maybe the spark doesn't disappear. Maybe sometimes it simply needs somewhere quiet to rest.

— ◇ —

A Note on the Painting
Pangarap: Ika-12 Pangitain ni Juan
Roy Veneracion, 1987

What I saw in it: a mind where dreams, fears, and reality no longer stay neatly separated.

https://epa.culturalcenter.gov.ph/3/82/2259/